Cocktail of Emotions

I love you. I hate you. I adore you. I detest you. I admire you. I condemn you. I kiss you. I kick you. I know you. I don't know you. I learn you. I unlearn you.

You are simple. You are difficult. You are truthful. You are a liar. You are honest. You are a cheat. You are caring. You are selfish. You are sensitive. You are cold. You are Cupid. You are Ares. You are real. You are abstract. You are inert. You are an orgasm.

You interest me. You disgust me. You motivate me. You demean me. You amaze me. You alarm me. You create me. You break me. You impress me. You insult me. You excite me. You depress me. You understand me. You doubt me. You energize me. You suffocate me. You begin me. You climax me.

I understand you. You confuse me. I help you. You defy me. I trust you. You trouble me. I touch you. You escape me. I invade you. You push me.

I am air. You are water. I am old. You are young. I am wrong. You are right. I am black. You are grey. I am you. You are me.

Pic courtesy

My favorite THING... that is no more...

You have a Thing in your life. That Thing is the best that you have owned. Your life revolves around IT. IT has become a part of your identity. Rather, IT is your identity. You cannot imagine your life without IT. All this time you are scared that if you lose IT, what will happen. But you keep enjoying anyway, in defiance of the outcome that is so certain. 

Then one day, that day arrives. Without even any notification......actually it does. But it only notifies some hours before the actual breakdown. But its too late....too late to do anything. And IT breaks. In front of your eyes. And you cant even do a thing to stop it from happening. Rather you are made to believe that you were responsible for it. Why will you do anything to lose IT? You were so happy with IT....you wanted IT to last forever. 

IT was the sole center of your survival. You spend a few days trying to join IT. But it just didn't happen. You keep wondering how much should you try. And if there is any guarantee that if you keep trying to join IT, and that IT does come back together, IT will not break again? 

Or is it signal big enough to understand that its time you get yourself over IT. Before IT makes you lunatic, erratic, psycho.......

Its difficult to face the truth and come to terms with it. Always. The decision is yours. ALWAYS. 

Its more than six months that I joined Vikram Bawa, the fashion photographer.

One year back, when I was struggling to find what exactly do I want to do with my career, I didn't know that I would be making fashion films. I still don't think that I want to do this for life but I am enjoying it.

I enjoy when I see my name as Project Manager at the end of each film. I enjoy being introduced like that by Vikram to others. I enjoy when the films are appreciated. I have no other option but to enjoy when something goes wrong - when the music is bad, when the deadlines are not met!

Some people are SALT.

I don't know what does the title of the post make you think but that's what I could think of these people about whom I am writing this. They are like "salt". You need to have them in your life. They are not the main ingredient of your life but they add to it. Just as salt does to our food.

Like for me if i get out of the house in the morning and i don't see that lady who sits near the temple with a cow for people to feed the latter (dunno if she takes somethings from her diet for herself, anyway!), I think to myself as to what happened. Likewise, if I don't get refused by some 7-8 rickshaw-wallas to take me to Goregaon fatak, my day is not made! There are some of them who will just not take you on any day, so now i kind of know them, and I don't ask them only!

In Bandra, I don't need to ask the rickshaw-wallas as there is this traffic-guy who is taking care of the whole scene there. He makes sure that people are in a queue and the rickshaw-wallas too take the passengers who are in the queue. I make sure to thank him everyday. On some days when he is not there, there is an old man who has a helmet on head, a stick in his hand and a whistle hung around his neck and with a style unique to him, he controls the traffic in front of the station. Amazing work, i think. On some other days, there is a garland vendor whose customers are mostly rickshaw-wallas, he takes over the whole thing. And the way they ask us to sit in the rickshaw is like they have got the three-wheeler only for us!


The three-wheeler takes me to my office only after stopping at this crossroad where this particular eunuch will ask each of us to give her some money. And if I deny, (which I do everyday, without fail), she abuses me in some language that, I think, is exclusive to her and her community. The moment I reach my office and the place where I leave the rickshaw is near a cottage that belongs to a couple who might be in their late 50s - early 60s. All their attention is on the fact that my rickshaw should not bump into one of the pots with their favorite plants. They haven't smiled a single time to me in the one year that I have been seeing them every morning without fail. So, at times when they are not there, I miss them and I feel like telling them, "Uncle and Aunty, I miss you, if you are not here in the morning!"

Unlike the morning-couple, I bump into another lady from the neighborhood during the day, who would call out to me each time she sees me and ask me to take care of myself. I can excuse her for taking my name wrong each time as she is very sweet. But the sweetest is the lady who sees me off everyday in the evening. She is around 80 yrs of age and sits on the bench outside her house. I look forward to just wave to her. When she is not there, I peep into the house to see if she is in there.

Some are sweet, some are sour but I think, they are the SALT of my everyday life. My day is incomplete without them. What's your SALT? :)

I have measured out my life with coffee spoons

that's what i feel these days.my life has become monotonous....actually on second thoughts....I HAVE MADE my life monotonous. It starts with the same run in the morning at the Goregaon station to take a local and then again stand in the queue at the Bandra station to get a rick. The same boring work that i am doing (which even i dont know why i am doing!)...followed by taking another train back to Malad (this time I am not running, at least, to get the train....or sometimes actually i do to avoid waiting for the next fast train to Borivali.) Reaching home watching the same boring tv shows that everyone else is watching. I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.