Where do you stand? And are you happy with it?

What do u do when you are an option? Do u stay an option or do you work on being a priority? Or do u stop being an option too?

All these questions apart, how does it affect you when you are an option - always? Why is it that you are an option always? Why cant you be a priority? Are u not good enough? What kind of aura envelops you which always makes you an option?

Sometimes, you might be a priority and not realize it. Sometimes you are a priority and you don't want to be. Sometimes you might be a priority but made to feel like an option. And sometimes you might be made to feel like a priority but actually you might be an option! How do you find out what is the case actually? And which of these is a better situation to be in?

Is there a test to find out all of these? Or are there only feelings? If there are only feelings, then why don't we like what we feel? And if at all we like what we feel, why is it that that feeling does not stay with us? Why is it difficult to accept the situation we are in? Why does our head and heart go in two different directions? And if they go in two different directions then what should we follow? Mostly, I guess we should follow the head. But in the matters of heart, why should we follow the head? Isn't the heart suppose to know better in the matters of heart? And even if we follow the head, why doesn't the heart just go with it? Why did God make two things that completely contradict each other in their functioning and ideologies and then put them within us-the human being? Its like, we are a living example of the biggest oxymoron in the entire universe!!

And then within us, put so many other contradictory feelings and logic and then to complicate everything, put us in a contradictory situation. Wow!

If you actually sit and start analyzing all these, I doubt you will remain sane. So then again we come to the same first question- what do you do?

Its like a circle of everything going on and you decide, whether u want to continue living in the circle or break the circle and make a new one- may be not a circle but try make it straight. But again! Doesn't a straight line medically mean we are dead?? 

You have changed!

I have been hearing that a lot these days -You have changed! 

Changed from being a girl from a "small town" to a girl from Bombay. From a girl who had thick bushy eyebrows to someone with eyebrows so well done like "God made them with a lot of care and time" (those are not my words, btw). Changed from a girl with "weird' sense of dressing to some one "stylish". From wearing glasses to contact lenses to having a nose piercing. Changed from some one with bad curls and rough hair texture to "quiet straight" haired girl. Changed from naive to "glamorous" and "sophisticated". 

What has caused this change? Bombay? People in Bombay? Working in the fashion industry? Or what? may be all of these and more - slowly, steadily. Nothing over night though. 

Also what i would like to put on record today is that these are all superficial things which may be important but not necessary. What is necessary, still remains unchanged inside me. The self confidence, the motivation, the desire to be different and unconventional, the belief that I am born to do things differently. 

What has changed, improved and does matter really is the fact that I have a point of view that I can boast is my own and not borrowed from someone. I have a smile which has been beautiful always (I am proud of it and i have no shame in saying that either), and which has got better with the confidence. What is still undergoing a developmental change is the ability to control my mind, the realization that patience, words you use and accountability are some of the most important aspects in any relationship - personal or professional, open to self assessment at all points in life. 

When I have mastered all these, is when i will truly justify the statement - "You have changed!"

Some things/ppl/incidents that might have "changed" me. ;)

Running the Standard Chartered Mumbai Marathon for awareness about Child Sexual Abuse

24th Birthday

Super cool, sexy and fun room-mates

Fashion photographer, boss, mentor 

Cocktail of Emotions

I love you. I hate you. I adore you. I detest you. I admire you. I condemn you. I kiss you. I kick you. I know you. I don't know you. I learn you. I unlearn you.

You are simple. You are difficult. You are truthful. You are a liar. You are honest. You are a cheat. You are caring. You are selfish. You are sensitive. You are cold. You are Cupid. You are Ares. You are real. You are abstract. You are inert. You are an orgasm.

You interest me. You disgust me. You motivate me. You demean me. You amaze me. You alarm me. You create me. You break me. You impress me. You insult me. You excite me. You depress me. You understand me. You doubt me. You energize me. You suffocate me. You begin me. You climax me.

I understand you. You confuse me. I help you. You defy me. I trust you. You trouble me. I touch you. You escape me. I invade you. You push me.

I am air. You are water. I am old. You are young. I am wrong. You are right. I am black. You are grey. I am you. You are me.

Pic courtesy

My favorite THING... that is no more...

You have a Thing in your life. That Thing is the best that you have owned. Your life revolves around IT. IT has become a part of your identity. Rather, IT is your identity. You cannot imagine your life without IT. All this time you are scared that if you lose IT, what will happen. But you keep enjoying anyway, in defiance of the outcome that is so certain. 

Then one day, that day arrives. Without even any notification......actually it does. But it only notifies some hours before the actual breakdown. But its too late....too late to do anything. And IT breaks. In front of your eyes. And you cant even do a thing to stop it from happening. Rather you are made to believe that you were responsible for it. Why will you do anything to lose IT? You were so happy with IT....you wanted IT to last forever. 

IT was the sole center of your survival. You spend a few days trying to join IT. But it just didn't happen. You keep wondering how much should you try. And if there is any guarantee that if you keep trying to join IT, and that IT does come back together, IT will not break again? 

Or is it signal big enough to understand that its time you get yourself over IT. Before IT makes you lunatic, erratic, psycho.......

Its difficult to face the truth and come to terms with it. Always. The decision is yours. ALWAYS.